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Our friends with a woman, a person who's overcome numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been often caught off guard in relationships. Her husband walked away, and it was a massive blow. Several of close acquaintances drifted away at that point, as they were focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her. She put in greater energy to be my friend, and must have grasped more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, many of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. Her last employer turned on her, although she had been very skilled at her work, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we have each left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my position between us is to listen. I open discussion points only for her to redirect the talk toward her own topics. Politically, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest double-checking information or other angles.

She's been planning a trip to a nation I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in for a while. I attempted to share personal experiences, yet it was met with resistance. She essentially solely sought validation of her plans. I have returned from four weeks in that country and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to be a friend who abandons suddenly without a word, yet I doubt she'll truly comprehend the effect of how she acts on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Ways Forward

It's possible to walk away, but it is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of a solution requires bravery and willingness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically exactly what occurs. Step two involves sharing how this leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. Your feelings are valid, after all. Step three is to ask how you are both going to change the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. One effective method is telling her:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

This can be successful for promoting mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore your concerns, for those who cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they won't abandon as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might at first react like this before reflecting on your words. And even if you don't achieve a resolution, it will give you closure from having been honest with her.